The Five Apostles of Eris & Who They Be

1. HUNG MUNG

     
A Sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian Missionary to the Heathen Chinee. He who originally devised The Sacred Chao. Patron of the Season of Chaos. Holyday: Jan 5.
     
2. DR. VAN VAN MOJO

     
A Head Doctor of Deep Africa and Maker of Fine Dolls. D.H.V., Doctor of Hoodoo and Vexes, from The Greater Metropolitan Yorba Linda Jesus Will Save Your Bod Home Study Bible School; and F.I.H.G.W.P., Fellow of the Intergalactic Haitian Guerrillas for World Peace. Patron of the Season of Discord. Holyday: Mar 19. [NOTE: Erisians of The Laughing Christ sect are of the silly contention that Dr. Mojo is an imposter and that PATAMUNZO LINGANANDA is the True Second Apostle. Lord Omar claims that Dr. Mojo heaps hatred upon Patamunzo, who sends only Love Vibrations in return. But we of the POEE sect know that Patamunzo is the Real Imposter, and that those vibrations of his are actually an attempt to subvert Dr. Mojo's rightful apostilic authority by shaking him out of his wits.]
     
3. SRI SYADASTI SYADAVAKTAVYA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADASTI CAVAKTAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVATAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVAKTAVYASCA commonly called just SRI SYADASTI

     
His name is Sanskrit, and means: ``All affirmations are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.'' He is an Indian Pundit and Prince, born of the Peyotl Tribe, son of Gentle Chief Sun Flower Seed and the squaw Merry Jane. Patron to psychedelic type Discordians. Patron of the Season of Confusion. Holyday: May 31. NOTE: Sri Syadasti should not be confused with Blessed St. Gulik the Stoned, who is not the same person but is the same Apostle.
     
4. ZARATHUD THE INCORRIGIBLE, sometimes called ZARATHUD THE STAUNCH

     
A hard nosed Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible Banger (after his enlightenment, that is). Dubbed ``Offender of The Faith.'' Discovered the Five Commandments. Patron of the Season of Bureaucracy. Holyday: Aug. 12
     
5. THE ELDER MALACLYPSE

     
A wandering Wiseman of Ancient Mediterrania (``Med-Terra'' or middle earth), who followed a 5-pointed Star through the alleys of Rome, Damascus, Baghdad, Jerusalem, Mecca and Cairo, bearing a sign that seemed to read ``DOOM.'' (This is a misunderstanding. The sign actually read ``DUMB.'' Mal-1 is a Non-Prophet.) Patron and namesake of Mal-2. Patron on the Season of The Aftermath. Holyday: Oct 24.

      ``All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.''
-- A public service clarification by the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual Wisdom, Wilmette.


      ``The teachings of the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual School of Spiritual Wisdom are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.''

-- Patamunzo Lingananda School of Higher Spiritual Wisdom, Skokie.