Presidential Bonking

This was found by Pope Dolph in the New York Times from Boomtime, Confusion 31, 3160 (for some odd reason, the date on the paper reads ``Sunday, June 26, 1994'').
A Presidential Pummelling
``President Mario Soares of Portugal suffered friendly blows from noise-making plastic hammers during the annual, all-night celebration of the city of Oporto's patron, St. Joao, last Thursday.'' Now I ask you...does he look like he's in the mood to start a war? Send troops against protesting students? Declare prostitution illegal?
      He looks like he's in the mood to drop taxes, declare weekly inebriation mandatory and throw a party in his living room. Laughing people are happy people, and happy people are not wont to do horrible things to one another. The obvious problem is that not enough national leaders get a good bonking every now and then.
      The offense rests.